1. (There's gonna be) Sex Tonite
There at the protest about women's rights - 
She slagges Helen Garner, he said, "You're right";
He shook his dreadlocks and condemned Wayne
She offered him tofu; both were quite hairy - 

There's gonna be sex tonite

Interval at the theatre - they both hit off
Discussing the meaning of Anton Chekhov'
The director they hated, the actress? - they panned
what they acted out later weren't exactly Uncle Vania.
On the deck of the boat she pointed out east.
Said, "A whale is in fact as air breathing beast."
He really liked nature; He was out of the slammer;
He had a gram of cocaine and a video camera.

He was knocking on doors; she was watchin'
He said, "Money for the kids? I'm collecting for World 

Her heart was full of pity for a world full of grief;
He donated to a charity, she called Hand Relief
2. Whatareya?
You're a yob or you're a wanker 
Take your fucking choice;
So who is your favorite genius:
James Hird or James Joyce? 

You ever seen a live performance?
Join the wanker club.
You thought I meant table top dancing?
You're a yobbo, bub. 

What are ya? Yob or wanker? 

Wankers once used mobile phones,
But now that's sorta changing;
And yobs once lived in cottage homes 
Ain't social change amazing? 

If a yob and wanker want a girl,
The wanker guy will get her 
Both are equally ugly,
But the wanker hides it better. 

A wanker fights inequality,
And for people's rights;
A wanker fights class prejudice.
A yobbo just fights. 

Yob or wanker  wanker or yob 
Pass me the brush to tar ya;
Make your choice then live your life:
Come on, pal: what are ya? 

3. Dumb 'N' Base
Club culture unites the globe
All nations pulsin' to the same strobe
Down in Melbourne we think togetherness
Means connecting in a literal sense
If you want house music you go to Chicago
Brussels for hardcore, Detroit for techno
If you happen on King Street by mischance
You're in the home of compulsory health insurance

Dumb 'n' base, dumb 'n' base,
It's the new style goin' round this place
Dumb 'n' base, dumb 'n' base,
Come and get a remix of your face

The boys who cruise this neighbourhood
Think clubbing is done with a length of wood
Frankie Knuckles ain't worth a damn
Here in fucknuckle bucks' night mini-bus land
Dance to the rhythm of your best friend
As the bouncers cut a breakbeat on his head
Your best friend's doing St Vitus Dance

Do the nightclub crawl and you can see
How to get your body piercing done for free
Who needs raves or dropping E
When you got a bunch o' Daves dropping in the knee
We're all one nation under a groove
Vilification is the new dope move
So come on everybody - let's get dancin'
Tonight's guest DJ - Pauline Hanson!

Dumb 'n' base, dumb 'n' base,
It's the new style goin' round this place
Dumb 'n' base, dumb 'n' base,
We failed the dope test for the human race

Dumb 'n' base, dumb 'n' base,
It's the new style goin' round this place
Dumb 'n' base, dumb 'n' base,
We failed the dope test for the human race
Where a girl's best friend is a can of mace.
4. Thunderbirds Are Coming Out
I was my parents' puppet till my teenage years
When I rebelled and swapped them for my peers
I used to sit for hours all alone
Without an opinion to call my own

I had to keep this compulsion to myself
This need to be like everybody else
But now I'm out of the closet and I feel free
'Cos I just saw Thunderbirds on TV

Yes I've been outed and I'm so happy
I've found a role model just for me
I think I could be like those puppet guys
There's less to them than meets the eye

5, 4, 3, 2, 1!
Sing if you're proud to be plastic now
5, 4, 3, 2, 1!
Thunderbirds are coming out

Now I don't have to worry about a thing
As long as someone else is pulling my strings
My pop star can tell me what to know
I can get my political views from youth radio

I can join the queues outside restaurant chains
Now I can do the Mexican wave
Just tell me what's in and I'll make sure I fit
Just herd me into that mosh pit.
5. (Been) Caught Wankin'
Your mother gives the bathroom door
A final and desperate yankin' 
I been caught wankin'
"What's taking so long?" she'd implore
'Cept here's something she's not seen before:
Oh, man. You been caught wankin'. 

I been caught wankin' 

It's probably pretty Freudian,
But it's happened to every man:
I been caught wankin'
Someone walks too suddenly in
And you're left standin' with a silly grin
And your dodger's still in your hand. 

I just been readin' N.M.E
'Bout what lately has got cred 
They been caught wankin'.
Look, it's true that it might just be me
But I tell you what, as far as I can see
They're massaging Kojak's head. 

They been caught wankin' 

He's a bloke you could meet any day 
Last names?  why not just drop it?
He been caught wankin'.
"Tom and Nicole," he'll often say
In his own familiar nice bloke way.
Hey Ray  get your hand off it. 

Been caught wankin' 

We all saw the funeral for Lady Di,
And didn't you just want to barf?
They been caught wankin'
The media all with their snouts in the sty,
Crocodile tears caught in their eyes:
You had to be heartless not to laugh. 

They been caught wankin' 

Why is it just so hard not to gag
When a rock star adopts some big issue?
Rock star, caught wankin'.
"No animal cruelty," they're likely to brag 
But later they'll put a fish up some slag 
For godsakes, who's used all the tissues? 

Rock star, caught wankin'. 

A bad boy image does no one real harm,
So by all means, go be caught stealin';
You been caught wankin'.
Go be caught crackin' car alarms,
Be caught with a needle stuck up your arm 
Just don't be caught with spoof on the ceilin'. 

Been caught wankin'. 
6. Denial Works For Me
Life is full of problems
And here's the remedy
Denial works for me [denial works for me]
There's a freight train coming
Loaded with anxiety
You're tied to the tracks - don't worry [denial works for me]

Flood, famine, pestilence
They're all yucky
You could let Moses out to the Promised Land [denial works for me]
Why put off till tomorrow
They'll just come back to haunt you [denial works for me]

No means no
No means yes
And everything in between
And all the rest

Some people work it out
With therapy
But if you ain't got the money [denial works for me]
Some people work for causes
Some work for charity
Some people's work is a labour of love [denial works for me]

Life is full of problems
And here's the remedy
Denial works for me [denial works for me]
Now it's reputation time
If I'm a lyricist of any note
I've gotta come up with a punchline
Then again - maybe I don't ...
7. The Parable of Glenn McGrath's Haircut
My mate Roger got a girl pregnant when he was fourteen. He was so shit scared he told me, and when he said
that her dad was a cop I thought he was joking. I told him he's got to tell someone, and so he went and told a
teacher, and the girl eventually got an abortion. He was fucking shitting himself, let me tell you, but six months
later he was fucking around like always. 

Ooh, aahh, Glenn McGrath 

"You betta watch it," I thought to myself. But Roger was pretty fucking sure of himself. He was the guy who
first brought a bag of hash to a party. Because I was his friend I was there when he first showed it to people,
and we all went down the back yard and he rolled a joint. Where did he get it from? My parents would have
killed me if they knew. I thought we'd all turn into junkies or something if we had too much. 

The last time I saw Roger was last year at the Boxing Day test. He'd turned into such a fat, normal yobbo cunt.
"The wife nearly didn't let me out today," he said, and he did all that chanting yobs do, like "Ooh, Ahh, Glenn
McGrath." "It got you in the end," I thought to myself, as I looked at Roger. "Life got you in the end, pal. You
were such a cocky, successful winner when we were 16, but now you're just another sad fat prick sitting in the
M.C.G. high fiving in self congratulation, as if it's you that had the skill and determination to play for
Australia." It's the cunts with the bad haircuts that you've got to watch out for. There's never been a popular
teenager yet who's done rat's with their life. It's the fucking dorks that give it a real go. Glenn McGrath got 5
for 50 that day. 
8. I Might be a C*nt, but I'm not a F*cking C*nt
I might be a rock star, but I'll never be a critic
I might like porno's, but Baywatch is f*cking sick
I might've screwed your sister, but I'll never screw your mum;
I might have gone to Uni, but at least I know I'm dumb. 

I might hide my small penis, but at least not by owning a gun;
I might not be homosexual, but I've slept with a guy who's one.
I might agree with Jesus, but I got no religious belief;
At least I clean the drops up when I piss on the toilet seat 

I might be a c*nt, but I'm not a f*cking c*nt. 

I might barrack for Port Power, but never for the Crows
I might watch A Current Affair, but Frontline also.
I might like Tarantino, but sometimes you've gotta wonder;
I mightn't tell the truth all the time - hey, what's your Mum's number? 
9. Yob
If it's different, punch
If it's lager, lunch
If it moves, root
If it quacks, shoot
If it's mates, protect
If it's wife, neglect
If it's wages, bet
If it's vicious, pet
If it's American, ape
If it's a blonde, gape
If it's boobs, inflate
If it's V8, venerate

Yahoooooooooooooo! Yahoooooooooooo!

If it's sport, booze
If it's license, loose
If it's engine, thrash
If it's buttcrack, flash
If it's the boys, leerin'
If it's women, no swearin'
If it's the footy trip, anaesthesia
If it's back home, amnesia
If it's party, newted
If it's bedroom, putrid
If it's foreplay, forgotten
If it's rockin', don't bother knockin'

Yahoooooooooo! Yahoooooooo!

If it's a party, fight
If it's winning, skite
If it's politics, right
If it's flatulence, light
If it's tabloid, believe it
If it's broadsheet, don't read it
If it's music, rock
If it's casino, flock.
10. Great Expexctations
Forget Generation X
Here's Generation Me
Spit the dummy

If you're looking for the breaks
But you ain't got what it takes
Just come down with the shakes, and
Spit the dummy

Spit the dummy
Chuck a wobbly
Have a paddy
Spit the dummy

The only way to get the perks
And climb above the other jerks
Turn on the waterworks
Spit the dummy

The world is a great big melting pot
There's those who do and those who do their block
Why shoulder the weight of society
When a tantrum or two will get you what you need

Babies have got it right
Wake up crying in the night
Every time you get a fright
Spit the dummy

Jesus stuck up for the meek
Said "Turn the other cheek"
But that'll put you up shit creek
Just spit the dummy.
11. A Hard-Earned Thirst Needs a Big Cold Beer, But I Drink to Get Pissed

The beer's all been bought with my brother's I.D;
My folks are away and they've only left me:
The whole suburb knows - no need to call up - 
My place tonight - teenage piss up!

Most of the girls will chuck before eight,
Two Bundy and cokes is al it will take - 
There's sex in the backyard, someone will claim - 
Though who's screwing who?

Some bloke will get angry his girlfriends been nicked
And take a swing at the guy whoo looked at his chick;
The girl will start screaming, "You two break it up."
It's on at my place - teenage piss up!

My place tonight
Binge, binge, binge, binge, binge, binge,  Drinkin', Drinkin'

The party will break up when I call the cops
Or my parents come home and everyone stops;
There'll be c.d's destroyed - mainly my dad's;
There'll be binge drinkin' just like on the ads.

Years later we'll look back and think of the time
When we though having fun meant getting blind;
And when we're away our teenage children will play up - 
My place tonight for a teenage piss up!

Drink beer quickly to be a real hero;
It don't taste nice -  that's why they made Sub Zero

I don't have to go to a psychologist - 
My reason for drinkin' is I wanna get pissed.
12. The Men's Room
The fucking kids are whingeing
They can't get a job;
The photocopy repair man
Is a swarmy smartarse knob;
I've been running this office
For so long I can't recall - 
I've gone and pissed thirty years
Up against the wall

"Good morning Mr Jenkins,"
The office girls all say;
"Gentleman," I'll tell the board,
"What's the agenda for today?"
I play the part so desperatley
Because the truth appals;
I've gone and pissed thirty years
Up against the wall

The fingers that knot my tie
Are fat with some success;
But they tremble - still so slightly.
So far only I notice;
In the far off wilderness
A lone hyena calls;
I've gone and pissed thirty years
Up against the wall

Off I go to the men's room
For the seventh time today;
My bladder no longer hears me.
No matter what I say.
I count the tiles in front of me.
And wait for the trickle to fall;
I've gone and pissed thirty years
Up against the wall